You won't be getting an animated series of Star Wars parodies or constant references to pop culture with our show. How would one work the end of the world into a season? It struck me, make it the very first episode. The second episode would start of "THREE YEARS EARLIER."
Cut to inside. A customer is flailing about holding
his one hand and screaming in pain.
Brutal is shaking a heavy beer mug motioning towards the door.
GO ON! If you come back here with da cops I'll break your other nine in front of them you ASSHOLE!
The crying customer staggers out the door as Binge
comes whistling in the other. Binge sits down.
Brutal calmly speaks as if nothing had happened.
Ah Binge, thank you.
You just upped my averages up for the Night.
Now it's TWO assholes per hour. What can I getchya?
Just a shot of the usual.
Ya knows da rule for you. Pay up first, then I pour da shot.
Brutal, I am deeply offended my friend, hurt.
Why such unfounded paranoia in the quality of my understood personality , my character?
You are an Asshole.
Ouch, that hurt a lot. Which is what I had to say to Athena last night.
Want to hear what happened the other night at her place?
As Binge goes into the following monologue
Brutal starts absently minded reaches for a
bottle and slowly looking at Binge banter on with his story.
So as soon as I get over there, I know there is some big drama going on. She found a gun in her bedroom and she knows it's not hers. What she going to do? Call every guy she ever slept with in the past two weeks who carried a gun? That could take days and tip off some big gang war or something. I'm like hey? Why is this my problem? She takes off her robe and promises me that if I help her she will hump my brains out. A guy who looks like me will say what the hell, I'm in. So I asked where is it? She says the bedroom, and she keeps it so damn dark all the time, except when she filming something. "It's in there" It's dark, everything she has in that room looks like a stinking weapon. I ask "Can you be a little more specific?" She yells "Between the ATM machine and the soiled condom bucket!" AS I put on my rubber gloves I think to myself "And yet, I love her.....
With that note, Binge downs the poured shot and smiles.
Thanks a lot Brutal, see ya tomorrow.
Binge starts to exits
Binge stops, thinks he's busted.
Binge, whatcha do with the gun?
A relieved Binge continues.
So I figured the best thing to do is just ditch it
This thing could be hotter than hell. I decided to take the ferry to the West Bank
and drop it in the middle of the river. Can I get another shot? Remember the news last week?
You mean the terrorist attack on the Algiers Ferry that triggered World War Three?
I think I heard about something like that on the news.
That and the Saints won again. You was there?
Dude, I caused it.
Cut to Binge on deck of Algiers ferry. Nice day, decks are packed with cars.
Binge tries to causally pull gun from his waistband to drop the weapon
over the rail. Out of no where a Pelican swoops into him causing him to
drop the gun. It hits metal deck and goes off striking a car.
Before the first shot is fired cut to the back of ferry where a
nerdy liberal is boasting about his eco-friendly car.
Mine is more Eco Friendly that yours. Mine runs on Hydrogen Gas.
Just then his car gets struck triggers a massive explosion.
Cut to ferry going up like the movie DeJa View.
Fireball rip across ferry, Binge dives on deck.
Everyone else hits the decks.
Binge lies face down on the deck as shrapnel
ricochets about him.
He looks up and see the gun he dropped lying in front of him.
Binge stares ta his gun, flings his arm striking the pistol.
It slides towards the edge of the deck, but doesn't fall into the water.
Binge grimaces. Then another car explodes, knocking the pistol,
knocking it into the water.
As Binge is exiting the ferry, police, fireman, and EMT workers, feds
are waiting. Binge pushes past the emergency workers, his back is on flames..
No, thank you. I'm fine, really. No I don't want to go to the hospital.
No, I'm fine, I was already on fire when I got aboard in Algiers. Thanks anyway.
Cut back to Polly's
Wait, you said she has a soiled condom bucket in her bedroom next to an ATM machine?
Huh? Yea, one condom bucket in the bedroom and another bucket with ducks on it in the bathroom.
I know because it's somehow my job to empty them twice a week.
Can I get another shot? Thanks. You interrupted my story.
Binge downs it, darts for the door.
He suddenly comes to the realization that Binge didn't pay.
Grin turns into a grimace.
(ONE WEEK EARLIER)
They are just chilling in the living room, stoned and
munching out in front of the TV. Local news interrupts
with helicopter footage of smoldering ferry.
News caster is reporting in a hurried voice.
Details are still coming in. Possible Iranian terrorist strike on a passenger ferry in New Orleans.
Our government has placed us in a state of emergency at the highest possible levels.
The president is scheduled to speak momentarily. The latest account is...
With that Binge bursts in smoldering.
He instantly grabs the remote and clicks off the TV.
Hey guys, let's play cards.
Oh, my god! Were you there?
Well, yea kind of. But it was not entirely my fault, ya see there was this Pelican that
came out no where after I found the gun in the soiled condom bucket at Athena's.
Confused, Lance reaches for the Remote.
Clicks on the Television.
A panicked trying to remain calm anchor continues.
...the first waves of Israel fighters and bombers have reached their target.
Their president keeping his vows of defending Israels allies. We now go to our corespondent in the middle east.
AW DUDE! You fucked up big time.
Niiiiiiiice. You wanted to bang the Whore of Babylon, and the whole world has to suffer Armageddon.
Nice going asshole.
But, it was the Pelican. There's one mentioned in the book of Revelations, Google it.
I can't believe you triggered world war three.
What were you thinking?
I was trying to get laid. You're a guy, you understand...
Lance, don't you ever dare to rag on MY FRIENDS again..
Cut to several days later.
All three sitting in same spots.
So far that has brought the number of Nuclear detonation to a total of four.
We have been reporting for the last twenty four hours of mass suicides amongst cult members from around the world.
There has just been another in Norway of fourteen thousand who jumped into a Fjord.
Authorities in Norway announce a spiral light...
HOLD ON, we have another incoming report coming in of a
possible nuclear detonation that would bring the total of five in
what is being named "the shot that ended the world. "
Well, was she worth it?
Binge looks to Lance and grins ear to ear.
Nods. Lance looks back, stoned and laughs.
Look, there was a pelican I told you...
Which one of the Four Pelicans of the Apocalypse was this?
LO! In the end times there shall be a pelican and a stripper
walking downeth Bourbon Street. They shall encounter the town idiot...
That would be you dude.