Monday, August 6, 2012

Disney sucks mouse balls

I despise Disney. I know that sounds blasphemous to most every human on the planet, but I do. I will always give them credit for superb animation and art, but that's it. I find the whole huge multinational corporation and endless merchandising to be the perfect example of everything wrong with the entertainment industry. A small group of  unimaginative money grubbing businessmen rehashing worn out bullshit stories not for the sake of art, but for year end profits.

I remember back in the 1960's watching the "Wonderful World of Disney" every Sunday evening at about 7 pm. Back then the show was hosted by the creepy founder Walt himself. Some weeks it was a nature film about fun loving adventures of animals in the wild. What they would do is take a couple of bear cubs from a tranquilized mother bear (off camera) and let the cubs loose in the woods and follow them and film. The hapless cubs would fall into rivers, get sprayed by skunks,  get dropped onto a bee hive, and wrestle with a porcupine in the name of family entertainment.  Then for the humorous climax the producers would lock one cub in an abandoned cabin and film it tearing apart the place to find it's mother. When they got enough footage they would release the surviving cub and mother back into the wild.  Walt Disney was a cold hearted mother fucker.

Some of the better stories are the ones he bought up and animated, later years they were just stealing old fables that no one owned rights to and the Disney staff would warp into their own formulated tripe. What's with the constant theme of magic? You don't have to be a Southern Bible Thumper to have to ask why all of the occult bullshit? Magic crickets, magic brooms, genies, spells, witches.... what are you sickoes with instant access to children up to over there? Walt was a real prick to work for also. Supposedly he would make his employees punch out if they had to use the bathroom while at work, they weren't allowed to have facial hair but he could.  No wonder his animators went on strike in 1941. I would delight in playing kickball with his frozen head on Bourbon Street in the middle of summer.   

I was never crazy about my daughter watching Disney films, it wasn't an evangelical Christian thing as much as almost all of the plots are so negative. Stories about princesses. The underlying messages for young girls is "Look hot, disobey your parents and some rich guy will marry you." Sorry Walt, I know my daughter is capable of being much more than a trophy wife for some inbred member of nobility. Most everybody who doesn't have even a half of a brain will be quick to defend the Disney empire by exclaiming "Oh, it's so family friendly." Is it? Are you serious? Yea, family friendly where most of the stories begin with the mother being dead. A child's absolute worst nightmare is the opening premise for most Disney plots.

 Bellow are only some of his "Family Friendly Cartoons." I had to look up the plots on line, they all seem to have common themes.

•  1937 - Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs: Both real parents dead, raised by a sadistic step mother who wants to kill her. She runs away and shacks up with seven strangers. The seven dwarfs track down and kill the stepmother, later Snow White is awaken by a prince who is trying to have sex with her unconscious body, she marries him.

• 1940 – Pinocchio: No parents, created by a creepy old man and the occult.

• 1941 - Dumbo: No father, mother is thrown in jail for her violent temper, humans are bad.

• 1942 – Bambi: Mother shot and killed in front of child, humans are bad.

• 1950 – Cinderella: Mother is dead, father dies later. Girl is raised by a dysfunctional step family. She gets “saved” by a wealthy man with a foot fetish because she looks hot.

• 1951 - Alice in Wonderland: Real life is boring, do drugs.

• 1953 - Peter Pan: Parents are assholes, run away from home.

• 1959 - Sleeping Beauty: Again, hot young woman, date rape drugs and wealthy men.

• 1967 - The Jungle Book: An orphan is raised by wild animals, humans are bad.

• 1981 - The Fox and the Hound: Orphaned Fox, humans are bad, yadda yadda…

• 1988 - Oliver & Company: Orphaned kitten in the big city, not too manipulative.

• 1989 - The Little Mermaid: Asshole father, Hot Princess daughter and the occult

• 1991- Beauty and the Beast: Dead mother, idiot father, and the occult. Hot daughter runs away with an ugly man who has money.

• 1992 – Aladdin: Dead mother, idiot father, and the occult. Hot Princess daughter runs away with a good looking man who is a thief and a liar.

• 1994 - The Lion King: Father gets killed by the uncle, son runs away and lives with deadbeats.

• 1995 – Pocahontas: Hot Princess daughter, asshole father, she disobeys him and lives happily ever after.

• 1996 - The Hunchback of Notre Dame: Mother murdered, non occult religion bad.

• 1999 – Tarzan: Both parents dead, humans bad.

• 2002 - Lilo & Stitch: More dead parents, aliens are good.

• 2003 - Finding Nemo: Mother and siblings all killed, raised by an idiot father, humans are bad.

I pretty much stopped my research at this point. I was numb with disbelief that these people make billions annually. I know nothing about what they have done with live action films and in television since I have avoided film and television industry for over a decade. I really don't want to waste anymore time looking into it. These are the same people that created the atrocity known as Hannah Montana, right? That kind of sums up how the corporation views little girls. Today's princess is tomorrow's stripper. (With an idiot father)

Perhaps some may be offended by my observations of America's greatest entertainment mogul, too bad. I am sure that they are the same people who eat McDonalds twice a week, always have at least two liters of Coke-Cola in the fridge, wear Nike sneakers and visit the "Magic Kingdom" every single year because there is no other place on Earth worthy of traveling to. Enough said.


Sunday, August 5, 2012



Otis and I have been kicking around a couple of ideas for a while. Recent free time and moments of panic have convinced us to go ahead full throttle on our animation project "Life of a Quarter Rat."  We want everything to be lined up when the light turns green. We are going to need professional voice actors. Looking for those with comedic abilities, improvisational skills and multiple voices.


It's in the budget. None of this Craiglist bullshit where some one wants you to give your talent and labor on their project with only a vague promise a full time gig. This animation project was first conceived and started back in 2005, it's not just something flung together based on an bar room idea.

Quarter Rat Animation needs talented, funny and versatile local actors to get paid for one possibly two days in the studio. This is our pilot episode. Professionals who will be there when expected or better have very good reasons if they aren't. Not looking for cartoon voices, but animated. If you know the differance contact us. No more than 5 or 6 actors will be needed, fewer if we find the right people.  Pay bumps for the ability to do multiple voices.

If interested contact us at the above E-mail address, and we'll send you some character monologues to audition with. Or just send your own audition track (MP3 or something easily opened) with what you can do, resume, and do we really have to say this? No head shots.